Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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