Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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