oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
