I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
