I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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