stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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