Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
