Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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