My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
