Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
