they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
