I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
