Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
