When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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