i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
