i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
accomplished twins. life is a go
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
