I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
