Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
