I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
