i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
