All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
