I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
