There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to align my fucking chakras
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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