I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
