problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
