so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
