there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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