I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
