He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
