none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
