I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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