if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
