my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
