Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
