I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
