I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
