Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
