If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
NoShamevember. You game?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
