What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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