it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
