yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
