the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
