and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
