I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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