I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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