pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
