Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
what day is it and did you see me today?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
