i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
