i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
