i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
