Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
