I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
