I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
