It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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