my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
