So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
