your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
