There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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