I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
