I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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