I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
