ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
