I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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