i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
