I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
