don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
