Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
