My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
