plz talk dirty to me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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