I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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