I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
