i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
