I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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